The problem with volunteering....

Here’s a little secret: when Shannon and I talk – which is a lot of the time, and once even over Skype when she was in Paris – we finish every conversation with a quick discussion about food. She is an excellent and exciting cook; I pretty much just like eating. Still, no matter what PTO matter needs hashing out or planning or prepping for, we still end each conversation on food: what are you making for dinner? Any good ideas for lunch?

My point is: most of the work I do with the PTO always ends up in camaraderie and friendship. If I think about it, I meet and make many of my friends after volunteering with them in one way or the other. It’s an interesting beginning to a relationship for sure-- knee-deep on a Saturday morning in donated clothes at the Magic Hat – but I’m always glad I got the chance. (When I met Shannon, she was wearing an elf hat. Just saying.)

Our conversation tonight, after some basic updates, was focused on an article recently published in the Boston Globe , entitled (mostly) “Why does volunteering feel so stressful?” Despite the rather hideous jeans featured on the cartoon mom, the essay was rich and thoughtful and touched on many thoughts and feelings I’ve wrestled with over the last few years. Still, many of the opinions presented made Shannon and I feel a little bit deflated, a bit sad and distressed.

The Coffin-Gerry schools enjoy an active parent base, but like many other schools in Marblehead (and around the country it seems), even we are suffering to “meet our minimums.” We are struggling to welcome willing volunteers and watching our PTO meeting attendance numbers dwindle. If I had a dime for every time I’ve wondered why, and better yet, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve worried why… well, let’s just say that this recent recession and how it’s affected my family? I wouldn’t worry about that so much…

I know the answer to the questions raised in this article as much as I know who’s in the “in crowd.” Which is to say that I don’t either.

I do know that when I started volunteering with the Marblehead Family Fund, after selling my business when my second child was born, I did it because of two reasons: 1) my mother and sisters were community activists so I guess it was in my blood and 2) I wanted to make some friends. I do know, eight years and the PTO later, that I get exhausted and frustrated and resentful sometimes, but I’m never quite sure who I’m mad at except maybe, mostly, myself.

I also know that our PTO’s so-called “uber volunteers” are male and female, working and stay-at-home parents, with children of every age and stressors of every kind, who met in most cases at a meeting with a nametag affixed. I do know that nothing we have ever accomplished in the CGS PTO has happened because of one person or one group: it’s the one hour donated by one parent (and I literally mean one hour) added to the next one hour and the next that has made the difference.

One hour on a Saturday morning at the Magic Hat. One hour in the evening creating spooky decorations for the Monster Mash. One hour at our monthly meetings, where you WILL NOT be made to sign up for anything EVER and if you do, it won’t mean you’ll be asked to up and up that one hour EVER, but where you might learn from our speakers, add your vote on our finances, and maybe ask that one question everyone needs the answer to.

THOSE are the hours that matter.

We created a new website, this new blog feature and the new Community Outreach board position with the express interest of building our base in both a virtual and literal way. We understand all too well that running between various schools can make the playground meet-up rushed and with so many of us juggling full and part-time work schedules as well, time is limited and valuable. We hope that our online presence and the just-for-fun events we’ve planned for the year will bring us together in more effective AND more enjoyable ways.

In the meantime, please read the Globe article and share your opinions and thoughts here: was the Globe onto something? Is this an epidemic in our community, in our country? Why does everything have to seem so hard?